5 Months

You turned 5 months on December 29th. I seriously cant believe how quickly time is flying by.
You are such a sweet and sensitive boy. We are so blessed to have you in our life.
On Christmas Eve we went to the Cathedral of the Madaline and listened to their Christmas choir. You LOVED it in there. All the stained glass windows and the music had your attention. Your little head would look to the left and then to the right then to the front back to the left and up at me, you loved those windows. We can already tell that you like music, it calms you right down. Maybe it is because you already have your own Ipod that you listen to every night or because we have so many play lists in the car just for you. Or maybe it is just because you remember the angels singing in Heaven.
You also LOVE to read books. You will sit in my lap for a good 45 minutes while I read stories to you. You touch the pages and sometimes try to lick them, but you are so intrigued by them.
You still love bath time. Your kick your little legs like crazy, or if you are really tired you will just lounge and put one foot under the faucet and the other up on the side of your tub. Its hilarious. Dad also just introduced you to your rubber ducky, whom you are fascinated by.
You have become very interested in my water bottle. Every time I take a drink you reach for it, Ill put it up to your lips, you'll grasp it and pretend like your are drinking it. Now we give you little sips. I think it is so cute, you want everything I have, and this is the one thing I can share with you. So I do it.
You love it when I tickle your face with my hair, you giggle as I sweep it across your forehead.
You always have a bib on in all your pictures because you are the drooling king.
You also enjoy sitting (propped up of course) on my bed as I get ready in the mornings, I either put you in the boppy or with some pillows and you will sit there playing with your noisy book or stare at your baby Van Gogh movie. It is so cute...here is a picture...

Something I absolutly love that you do now, is when we put our face close to yours you reach up with both hands and gently put your hands on our cheeks. It isnt when we hold you, but when you are laying in your play gym or down on the floor or are laying in bed with us. I think it is so sweet.
You seriously are the love and joy or our life. I cant imagine not having you here with us.
I love you Cru.

Christmas morning...

Cru gave Casey and I a wonderful Christmas present this year...he slept in until 9:40!!! I woke up at 7 and put the Christmas casserole in the oven and went back to bed, an hour and a half later the oven timer was beeping and Cru was talking in his crib. Perfect timing.
We got up, ate breakfast, fed the babe and Casey and I opened our gifts...yeah thats right, we opened our gifts first and then let Cru at his. We are awesome. haha
Casey and I spent a whole $11 bucks of Cru for Christmas. Everything else he got from grandparents. However, he has currently only played with his new soccer ball, listened to his singamagigs and played with his easy grasp ball.
I loved Christmas when it was just Casey and I, it was even better starting a few new traditions now that we have Cru and I have a feeling they are just going to get better and better.
Cru with all his toys...
Casey's mom and dad asked what we would like them to get Cru for Christmas, I told them that I wanted to start an education fund for Cru and would love if they wanted to make his first deposit. They went beyond that and are actually doing the research for the best one that actually plays to stock market. I am really excited about it, and really really grateful. Education is so important to Casey and I and we are excited to start this fund for Cru so that he too can experience and appreciate the importance of a college degree.

Santa came to Nana's

Every year Santa makes his grand appearance to my mom's house (Nana's). All the grandkids LOVE it and it is something we all look forward to during our family Christmas party. The year's Santa had a fake beard, as soon as we put Cru on Santa's lap, he we for it on almost pulled it downed, Santa had pretty quick hands though, and was able to hold it in place while I pried Cru's fingers apart. It was quite entertaining, well at least I thought.
Cru received his first stocking from Santa filled with a gift card to Babies R Us. It was perfect!
I am kind of bummed that I didnt get a good shot of Cru with Santa. But at least I got something...
Thanks mom for yet another fun Christmas party!

Gardner Village

To start out this year's Christmas festivities, Casey and I decided to venture out and take Cru to see the Elves at Gardner Village before it got too cold. Of course as soon as I got Cru out of his car seat and started walking it started down pouring. Cru was a trooper though, we were still able to get some pictures and spot a few elves. Christmas is SO much better with little ones!

Casey's 27th and Mom's 50th

The love of my life turned 27. The lucky boy got the day off of work and I of course did not, so he got to spend the morning with Cru until I got home. I got him a PS3. I think it is BY FAR the best gift I have ever given him. I have never seen him that excited to get something. We ended up taking it back and getting the bundle package with the PS3 Move - which is super fun. Anyway, happy belated birthday post babe! I love you!

My mom turned the big 5-0 last month. I sent out an invitation to have her party at my house...but because Cru had RSV I was no longer feeling up to it, so we partied at Outback and let them clean up the mess, it was perfect. Happy birthday momma, I love you dearly!

4 months.

I feel like this sweet little man has always been a part of my life. But I swear everyday he changes so much.
Cru is such a good baby. I still don't think Casey knows how good we have it (or maybe I am naive and really just have no idea).

4 Month stats:
Weight: 14 pounds 11 oz - 50%
Height: 26.5 inches - 90%
Head: 17 inches - 85%

The past month Cru has still been enjoying the same things he always has:
- Car rides
- Bath time
- Going to bed

But he has learned some new things too:
- Rollin over! For about a week he would just go from his tummy to his back, but last week he goes, tummy to back to tummy to back. He gets really proud of himself when he goes back to his back and loves it when we start clapping and cheering him on.
- How to grab absolutely everything and stick it in his mouth.
- Pull on my hair. It is the first thing he goes for EVERY time I pick him up.
- Talking to his 'Liger' in his pack n play - he seriously will just lay in that thing forever talking to her, its so cute.
- He loves eating rice cereal off a spoon. He took it like a champ in fact! He watches the spoon get the rice cereal and make its way back to his mouth, he opens wide and doesn't spit a thing out. He loved it. However, yesterday the doc just told me to put it in his bottle for now, till he is eating more.
- Family prayers. He lays there and coos the entire time and tries to put his feet on dads face.

Here are some pics from Monday November 29th, his actual 4 month mark -

Its time!

Its time!

We got our family pictures taken with all of Casey's family for his parents Christmas gift. Poor little Cru, I felt like an awful mom taking him out when he was all RSV'd up. But he was a champ...we even got a picture of him smiling. Doesn't surprise me though - you would have never known the little guy was sick.
So, it took one look at the huge shot of the fam for me to realize that its TIME for me to start working out again. I keep thinking, its only been 4 months and my c-section incision is still numb - but seriously, will ever not be? Anyway, Ive every once in a while been riding the bike, doing P90X or Insanity...but for some reason, I just cant get into it. This is how my mind works..."Cru will be alseep for about an hour, do I get in the shower or do I work out?" The shower ALWAYS wins. Bummer!
So I decided to take an easier approach. I tried to find something that will only take a couple of weeks and is somewhat easy to get back into the swing of things and to help tone up my arms and tummy...what else is there...PUSHUPS and SITUPS!!! So I am doing the 100 pushup and 200 situp challenge. Its 6 weeks and on the last day...Ill be able to do 100 pushups and 200 situps straight. Im totally excited about it. Casey and I did the 'initial test' to rank ourselves last night. Casey pumped out 45 pushups like it wasnt anything, and I could barely make it up on numerb 15. You would think that toting a baby around for the past 4 months would have helped - it didnt. So there you have it, I can only do 15 man pushups and in 6 weeks it will be 100!

Cru and RSV

You know, I always knew I was going to be an anal over protective mother. I have always been overprotective of those that I love - but when there is a 'little' man who relies on me to help him grow big and strong, I'm even worse. I have hand sanitizer attached to my diaper bag and won't let a soul touch Cru until they've sanitized. We don't take Cru to church in fear of him getting sick by another child whose mother "has to go to church" and puts the rest of us at risk. He practically sweatss every time I take him into the cold weather because of how bundled he is. I wake up multiple times a night, just to check on him...the list goes on. Cru has been sleeping through the night for about 2 months now, two weeks ago, he started getting really restless and kept waking up. I would go into his room and attempt to give him his binky, but everytime I put in in his mouth, he sounded like darth vador from how congested he was. I though he was getting a cold...So...I took him in that morning to the doctor. They first told me the poor babe has ear infections. I was a little upset and taken back just because I 'heard' that nursed babies usually dont get their first ear infection till you stip nursing - guess you can't beliece everything you read. We started talking about how congested he was and the Doc said he wanted to test him for RSV "OK", I replied...I wasn't prepared for the awkwardness they were about to put my baby through. They had to stick a q-tip type thing about 3 inches up his 1 inch nose for a nasal swab test. I was by myself. The nurse came in and told me to lay him on my lap and to hold his head., and if I didnt "hold it good enough that the swab could go too far up and really hurt him" - great. I started preparing myself for his high screeched pain cry, the same one he let out when he got his two month shots...but to my surprise, he didn't make a sound. I was shocked. When the nurse was done, he scrunched his eyebrows together and gave me this VERY dissatisfied look...like a "are you kidding me" or a "why the hell did you just let her do that to me" or a "you just sat there and watched her" - Whatever it was, I must admit, his facial expression was pretty funny. But, not a tear shed. The Nurse told me that he was the first baby she had ever done that to that didnt make a peep! She was quite impressed.
20 minutes later, the Doc came in and told me my baby has RSV. My heart sunk. Seriously? What does this mean, what do I need to do? I was scared. I knew that was something that people seroiusly fear and my baby had it.
Cru slept in our bedroom in his little bed for a week, any peep he made had me on my heels. The last thing the Doc said to me before we left his office that day was that he will stip breathing, turn blue, start crying and then pink up again...doesnt that sound lovely?
We took Cru in almost everyday the past 2 weeks to get him checked. We were told that we caught it early (day 2 to be exact)...my babies ears are now infection free, he doesnt have anything in his lungs and he is sounding SOOOO good! We didnt have to hospitalize him, he wasnt able to be on any meds for it because of how young he is, we sunctioned he little nose like Nazis and had the humidifier on full blast...he made it through like a champ!

Octobers Best

Cru go to go to his first pumpkin patch! We had to pick out a pumpkin for him, but of course he loved being there. HAHA. I was not daring enough to put him on a bail of hay or surrounded by pumpkins, so in dad and moms arms is where he stayed...Doesn't Cru look EXACTLY like Casey? So cute!

On Friday evening we took Cru to the 5A girls soccer state championship game (which was totally lame) at the Rio Tinto Stadium...he was quite the trooper and was loving every minute of him - it was a good practice round for his first REAL soccer game.

It was so fun figuring out what our little family would dress up as for Halloween. Cru loved is get up. He even fell asleep in the pot - it was hilarious. We took him to 4 Halloween parties in 2 days and he totally stole the show at Casey and my work places.

10-10-10 - Cru's Blessing

We blessed Cru on October 10th. It was such a beautiful day. Having been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ my entire life, I have had the opportunity to be surrounded by some amazing Priesthood holders. One of them being my sweet husband. I will never forget the first time I truly felt my husbands sweet spirit and the power he portrayed as I knelt down in prayer with him just 3 days after he returned home from his mission in Nicaragua. I swear up and down that I knew that I would marry Casey when I was in 10th grade - but this was the day I knew it for certainty. This man had the Priesthood, something I wanted my children to have in their home as they grew. Today, was the first, of I am sure many blessings, that Casey gave to his first son.
I sat in amazement at the calmness and sincere heartfelt prayer that was offered up during Cru's blessing - what a lucky boy to have such an amazing father! A father that dreams of the day when they will be 'playing' outside and washing the cars. I father who already gave his whole heart away the minute he saw him for the first time. A father that will drive home for lunch breaks just to see his family and one that will be an amazing example to our entire family...

Casey - Me - Cru

My happy baby

Aunt Alyssa, Nana, Cru and Grampa

Casey - Grandma - Grandpa Bubba - Cru - Me
Papa and Cru

I made Chocolate Cookie Dough Cupcakes...the were delish!!!

No question...

Im at work right now and dont have any pictures to post - but hopefully I will get to that on Thursday.... But, I just have to say, that I serioulsy have the coolest baby EVER!
Cru and I went to the Alta Girls Quarterfinal game on Tuesday (which they lost by the way) and Cru sat perfectly content on my lap watching girls run back and forth in front of him (when they were close enough for him to see) for the ENTIRE first half. At half-time, I had to go the the bathroom - so we went and on the way back to our chair he fell asleep. Not a peep out of him the whole time - he was totally happy and enjoyed every moment. Some lady came up and asked how old Cru was, when I told her that he was 2 months, her eyes got big and her jaw dropped. She told me how "lucky" I am to have such a good baby. But I already knew that. Even with all the cheering and clapping, and screaming...he loved it! He would just glance over wherever the noise was coming from. It was hilarious.
Then, on Sunday.... Cru slept from 8:20pm to 5:30am, I went and got him out of his bed and brought him in to cuddle with me for a little while, he fell back alseep and when I rolled over to see what time it was, the clock said.....10:28!!!! I seriously, was so tired the rest of the day cause I got TO MUCH sleep! How awesome is that???
Oh my little Cruiser is a perfect miniture of his parents...and it is WONDERFUL!

Picture Time!

I am getting back into the swing of things and am aching to get back out and take pictures! It is beautiful outside and my camera is calling my name!!!
If you are interested in getting your family pictures taken, give me a call - check out my photography blog http://www.carvphotography.blogspot.com/!
Keep in mind, that I am aware that the economy sucks right now and that people dont wont to spend money on family photos, but I am a cheap date...at only $50 bucks, I promise you will get many that you LOVE!!!
Plus, I have a sister that makes SUPER cute Christmas cards that look fab with my locations! Check her out on Etsy - Natty Sue Designs.

Give me a call to schedule - 801-953-8761

Dear Me

Every time Cru falls asleep, I find myself either... 1. Writing on my LettersToCru blog or 2. Searching for other enjoyable blogs to read that leave me uplifted.
Last night, as Cru so perfectly slept in my arms - I found one of those blogs. The most recent post was a letter she wrote herself when her baby turned 9 months. However, the letter was what she would have written to herself if she could go back to just before her child was born.

I wanted to write one too...

Dear Me,

The last couple of weeks many have wished upon you that your baby would come early. You kindly responded that you want him to come when he is ready and fully developed. Your want of a perfect, healthy baby boy will be fulfilled. In fact, he will be late.

You will prove to yourself that you are braver and more capable than you have EVER given yourself credit for. All those many articles and books you have read on vaginal deliveries, hours of pushing, maybe a little tearing - even making the 'pushing' face in the mirror to see what you would like...are all pointless. Braveness will come as you so willingly lie on a table as some of the best, perform major surgery on you, so that your little one doesn't get sick. Your body will experiance pain and ecstast at the magnitute of which in currently unimaginable, a pain you have never felt.

It will instantly sink in the he really does belong to you. And, it is more amazing than you ever dreamed of it being. Things will come naturally. You will be overprotective. Family prayers will make you weep as you and Casey pray for help and guidance, for health and happiness for your most prized possession.

You think you love Casey now - but, you will be amazed at how much more you will love him. You thought you had the best husband, but you will soon find out that you found the most amazing man to father your children. He will give everything he has in caring for you and your baby.

Your thoughts on a million different topics will change drastically. What makes you happy. What constitutes as a successful day. What others think (you really wont care). How much sleep you need to function. What you believe to be your strengths and your weaknesses. What's important. What's not.

People tell you that you have no idea what love is until you hold your child in your arms. And right now, you nod your head and smile...but inside you believe you have a pretty good idea. Soon enough - there he will be - that faint little cry that brings a smile to your face - his brand new skin against yours - his smell that you can't get enough of - the first rise and falls of him breathing on your chest. And you will realize that they were all right. Absolutely right. You had no idea. Not a clue.

In a couple of weeks, routine will start to settle in and you will look in the mirror, the girl looking back will be the same. She'll have the same annoying habits, the same faults, will care much less about herself and well being - But, she'll learn something about herself that you don't know yet...despite your many flaws and shortcomings, you turn out to be a damn (a word you would never let cross your lips in the presence of your baby)...but you turn out to be a damn good mother. Know it, take pride in it. You'll still find yourself constantly praying for guidance, but have faith that on the journey you'll find your way.

Love,
The eventual you.

Cru is 2 months

My little man is two months old today and is the sweetest thing ever.
His two months stats:
Weight - 11 pounds 12 ounces (60%ile)
Height - 24 inches (90%ile)
Head - 16 inches (75%ile)

Some of his very favorite things are:

1. Taking a bath - he totally fell alseep in the tub about 2 weeks ago, it was hilarious!

2. Getting his diaper changed - he will be all smiles and have a 'conversation' on the changing table for about 5 minutes each time I change him.

3. Singing the hokie pokie - he thinks its hilarious when I do it to his left foot.

4. Riding in the car.

5. Being outside when the wind is blowing.

6. His snuggie - I honestly think these really do increase a baby's sleep time.

Some of Cru's milestones this last month:

1. He started smiling at 5 weeks.

2. We are one week in of him sleeping through the night at 8 1/2 weeks.

3. This last week he has discovered his toes - he wont touch them, he will just sit there and stare at them.

Some of the things I have learned becoming a mom.

1. That if I could get down 5 pounds lighter than I was before I got pregnant, I would honestly consider getting pregnant right now.

2. The love a mother has for her child is undescribable.

3. 3:00 am feedings, really aren't as bad as people make them out to be. In fact, I loved looking forward to seeing his smiling face when we were done as I laid him back in his crib. He got me a couple of times though, me feeling bad for leaving him so happy, all alone - so I rocked him to sleep instead.

4. A Breast Pump was seriously God's gift to me. I was so engorged after about 4 weeks of breastfeeding so I decided to breast feed than pump - I got 8 ounces after I had just fed my baby!!! Now, I have a freezer full of milk!

5. There is nothing sexier than watching my husband interact with our son. I honestly believe he is the best husband and father.

6. You can never have enough diapers. However, those huggies that have the 'wet line' are AMAZING! Why do they only put those on Newborn diapers?

7. 7 hours can pass and you can realize...I haven't even put my baby down!...or eaten, or gone to the bathroom.

8. C-Sections secretly aren't fun recovering from.

9. Asking anyone who wants to even touch my baby's hand to put sanitizer on, is totally worth it.

10. Being an anal and over-protective mom comes very natural to me.

11. Being peed on, isn't bad at all.

12. Loving on my hubby after the babe is alseep, is sexier than it ever has been - TMI? Probably, but I had to include it.

13. Stretch marks on my stomache, are worth the prized possesion that they came with - If he would have come on time, I wouldn't have any - but, he liked it in there.

14. Bottle warmers are a pumping moms best friend. Seriously!

15. My own mother has always been my best friend, but a new love and respect for her grew as soon as I held my own child.

Free baby sling.

I just ordered myself a baby sling - I never really liked these things, but ever since my surgery I have been having some serious back issues and I thought one of these may be able to help me out a little bit. Anyway, here is the info if you want one... Shipping was $11 bucks, I have never seen one of these for less than $35, so I think its quite the steal.
www.sevenslings.com
enter promo code 'babies' in at checkout and you total will be $11.95 for any sling of your choice.

The end of 'Maternity Leave'

The day I have dreaded since I was 7 months preggo. It's here.
Dad was at school the before my return to work...So Cru and I did our nightly routine on our own. After I fed him, we said 'family prayer' and I couldnt help but start crying.
I didnt want to go back to work. Where did those 8 weeks go? - I want to be the first one my baby sees in the morning, I want to be the one that sees that days first smile. I want to change that poopie diaper and be the chest he nuzzles his face into as he approached the time for his first nap.
But, now...I have to share that joy with some of the people I love and trust. Will they enjoy those moments as much as I have?
I have to give away days that I will never get back with my baby.
Do you think he understands what is going on? Well, I think I am taking it a lot harder than he is.
However, I am bringing in a second income. An income that will allow Casey and I to help fulfill Cru's wildest dreams. The dreams of becoming a scientist, a professional soccer player or a rock star. Whatever dream he dreams - I will be able to help him discover it.
The greatest piece of advice anyone gave me during my pregnancy was, "Don't listen when people try and give advice about holding you baby for too long, or picking him up everytime he gets fussy, or letting him fall asleep in your arms. It goes by way too quickly, so enjoy it."
I took that advice and am SO glad that I did.
My baby, he slept through the night last night. And I know I should be grateful. Because I got 7 straight hours of sleep, but I missed him.
I would hold him ALL DAY if I could, in fact, I do hold EVERY second I am with am.
I will not let a moment pass that I will regret with my little man. I am his mom and he loves me in a way that I hope will last forever.

Waking Up

Its 7:30 in the morning...and this boy is just waking up...How can you resist this face?

Going Private

We are going private!!! I have had some weird comments lately and it wigged me out - so leave your email address if you want me to add you!!!

Introducing - Cru

Cru Thorne Van Wagoner
Cru joined our family on July 29th 2010 at exactly 10:00 am
He weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces
and is 21.5 inches long.
I think, he is a pretty good mix of both mom and dad - but I can tell that he is his fathers son FOR SURE. I know that he will change quite a bit, even within the next week - but as of now, he has my eyes and chin, a mix of Casey's and my nose...and everything else is pure daddy! I think he is absolutely beautiful!
Nana and Cru

Cru and mom

Cru

Coming home from the hospital!!!

Cru and dad

Delivery Day

July 29th 2010
Casey and I went in for our 40.5 week Doctors appointment. To both of our surprise - I was still barely dilated to a "1" and 60% effaced. Not quite the news we thought we would get. However, my blood pressure was high and I was more swollen then normal, so Dr. Barton sent us down to labor Delivery to run some tests on both Cru and I.
Sweet little Cru was looking good - however, I was dumping protein in my urine and because of my high blood pressure, it started to effect one of my kidneys.
After 3 hours worth of tests, the nurse came in and asked "How do you feel about delivering your baby today?" I was little shocked. My response was, "That would be great, but I'm a little scared". She then went on to tell me that if we wait any longer, that I would get even sicker and as a result of that, our baby would get sick as well.
After talking it over with Casey we obviously decided it was smarter to get me started and deliver our baby sooner than later.
So off we went to our delivery room...Room #7 (my lucky number)
They started me on patocin at about 12:30 in the afternoon, every 30 minutes they would up my dose.
Once my dosage was up to 16 my doctor came down and checked me again. He said I was still a "1" and hadn't changed one bit. He then tried to break my water...that was not fun!!! HE TRIED to break it!!! Cru's head wasn't even in my pelvis yet so he couldn't reach it.
After being on Patocin for 12 hours at the highest dosage - I was checked again, still dilated to a 1. They put me on a different med that does the same thing as patocin, it just makes your contractions much greater. You are only allowed 3 dosages of it every 3 hours. So after 9 more hours I was checked one last time - and I was still at a "1" and 60% effaced. That's when my doctor informed me that we would be having a C-section.
I was scared to death. I didn't read up on cesareans so I wasn't prepared. 30 minutes later we were off to the Operating Room.

Casey looked hilarious in white body suit.
The anesthesiologist, was a nice guy. He walked me through what he was going to do to give me my epidural. I felt like it would be pretty easy. However, I totally started crying after because I was so scared. Casey was so sweet with me the whole time telling me how strong I was being and how amazing he thinks I am. He held my hand the entire time.
I could see the 'incision' in the big round lights shinning brightly down on my incision. After about 3 minutes of watching, I started wigging out a bit, so I had to stop. I think the worst part though, was feeling my body go numb. That was awful and disgusting.
Then after only about 10 minutes the anesthesiologist told Casey he could stand up and look over the blue sheet as they were about to pull our baby boy out. He looked at me and smiled, then stood up. His eyes welled up with tears and got all red like they do when he is about to cry - and then I heard the most beautiful sound, the sound of our baby crying. It was beautiful!


I have been in love with this little boy the minute I read "pregnant" on my 'pee stick'. I have loved this little boy's father ever since my sophomore year in high school. But I have NEVER loved either one of them more, then I did at this moment.